Self-care, Self-love

Why do you always fall for the guys who end up leaving you?

LOL yeah, don’t we all? And then we wonder if only we had known this earlier. If only I’d known this was coming.

Oh now, don’t lie. You did notice something was wrong (even if you didn’t anticipate this was coming), didn’t you? But at that time you were so into him, that you ignored it.

You ignored all the times he made a plan and didn’t bother to follow-up, then randomly reaches back proposing the same plan again with no dates or time. Almost like dipping the toe to check how deep is the water and if there’s a chance of making through LOL. Also possibly, how much time and effort would it need and if his lazy slouch body would be willing to make that effort just enough to get what it needs. If yes, sure then, “let’s give it a shot” and if not, “IT wasn’t worth it”. But you let it pass.
He couldn’t keep up with any promises or commitments he made, big or small. But you let it pass.

Or postponed the plan, if ever made, for a silly rather selfish reason like bike servicing or some other stupid reason. But you let it pass.

His hesitation in committing to you and not even letting you go. But you let it pass.

His not opening-up his feelings to you, not showing his vulnerabilities to you.

Almost never getting into an uncomfortable conversation, avoiding them.

Shutting his emotional side off.

Not making any future plans or any conversation regarding the future with you.

Hesitation in holding your hand in public.

…and so many of such instances when his actions didn’t match his words or his words didn’t match his action. He showed you all along what he is capable of doing, and what he isn’t. But you chose to stay and kept giving it all a pass.

Now, looking back, all this seems to make so much sense but back then it was a part of what you settled for when you made the commitment of love which as it turns out, only you kept while the other one didn’t or wasn’t quite sure if he did commit in the first place or not. And you knew it in the heart. But now it’s much clear, as if your heart can see through that hesitation, holding-back and fake smiles.

Pass, pass, pass until he gave-up on trying and chose he no longer wants to try and left you with some vague reason like “I don’t deserve you” or “we were not on the same page” or something on those lines. And now you wonder what did just happen? What went wrong?

Now one thing is for sure, whatever IT was for him in that moment, IT was definitely not you or the kind of deep committed fulfilling relationship that you were looking for.
And this is where our judgement comes into picture.

The thing is, why he had to TRY? Because he knew, he had to and you let him TRY. You could sense it, maybe called it out but didn’t walk-way and even when you did think about it, he didn’t let you until he no longer wanted you.

You guys were never on the same page from the very beginning or for a very long time. And you can’t fool both of you into believing it, at least not for too long. One day or another, one of the two would be seeing it and acting upon it anyways. Now since you didn’t, he did.

Does this guy deserve you? Long-story short- NO. Whether you should give him another chance (and risk your heart broken again)- NO, at least for a very long time that should be a NO. So unless you wish to keep falling in the trap of the same vicious pattern, again and again, say goodbye to him for good. Now and preferably forever.
The lesson for you:

  • Become really good at weeding-out such kinds right in the beginning so that you save yourself much time, energy and emotions. Investing in the early phase of dating or relationship thoughtfully (without going all-in or all-out abruptly) and pacing the relationship is a great way to do that. Again, be open but don’t give too much too soon. Pace the relationship.
  • Keep your heart open for love but at the same time trust your gut and see the situation for what it is and not how you would like it to be. Not assuming what’s not there but also not ignoring what’s there.
  • Lastly, trust yourself and have the confidence to do the choosing and also to walk-out when your instincts tell this guy isn’t right for you. This time, don’t wait for him to tell you this before he walks away. Instead, be bold and confident to make that call for yourself.

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